Blessings to you all. I was going to write some big post about humility and compassion but really I think I will just share with you what I have been noticing with MY life so far. This year I have really dedicated myself to be more in tune with spirituality. Notice I said, Spirituality and NOT religion. I have made a commitment to myself that I will allow my Higher Power to work on me, with me and in me; to truly rely on my Higher Power to provide me with my Inner Guide. My Inner Guide to direct me onto the path closest to my Higher Power for the ultimate journey of a lifetime.
You see, I have never worked independently before. I have always worked for someone. I have worked as a team player; been a great assistant, knew how to follow orders and do my best to go above and beyond. I have always had BIG dreams as a child: Dreams of being a fashion designer (was told that I couldn’t really draw); dreams of being the first FEMALE Major League Baseball Player (was laughed at); dreams of owning a wonderful restaurant (Ha! Overrated); Dreams of making a DIFFERENCE in this world (sounds good but how?). I have always enjoyed helping people; it made me feel great about myself. (I don’t mind the attention I got out of it either). Sounds a little shallow. I thought so. I like helping but sometimes I just don’t understand why my ego has to ruin things by seeking external gratitude.
Anyway, back to what i was trying to say about My Inner Guide and My Higher Power. This year I have decided or better said I felt compelled to work on my own. Do the business(es) I have said to myself I will do. So I am going to my own boss and my own moneymaker. I must admit I am a little nervous and fearful. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy to finally be doing something I wanted to do. I have asked My Higher Power for signs of the timing of my Independence, a sign when the perfect opportunity would be for me to move on and the Universe has moved around so that my answers would appear and be clear. But then, my ego came into play. Allowed doubt and fear to enter into play: telling me I am not good enough. I am not ready. I will fail. Usually, when I feel such feelings, I cry. I panic. I get depressed and do NOTHING. I start looking for jobs that are within my comfort zone and wonder why I can’t fulfill my dreams. Then, do you want to know the worse part? I start asking my Higher Power again for some guidance to place me on the right path. UGH!
Think of it. That is like a friend asking you for help, you not only give them the help but the solution as well, they get scared do it they way expecting a different result and then ask you again to step in for them. INSANITY!!!! So this year, I decided that instead of succumbing to the fear and doubt (ego’s favorite tools of deception). I will surrender it all to My Higher Power. If I am scared, I will say it allow. I will witness it. Have the emotions. Do yoga, meditate, eat, find a funny comedy to change my mood, read a spiritual text and get back on the horse. I will NOT Succumb to the fear. I will NOT succumb to the doubt. I will not disappoint myself and my Inner Guide just because I am fearful on the doors the Universe opened because My Higher Power allowed it to be.
The week I left my employment, I was both excited and scared. How awesome it will be that I will be able to guide others upon the discovery i have found! No longer will I work in an aggressively competitive environment. No longer will I work in an environment in which I feel that I am scrutinized yet is full of miscommunication and poor managerial skills and judgments. How wonderful to do something that is mine. Oh Dear! How am I going to support my family? When are the clients coming? Where are they? How am I going to pay my bills? Oh God, what a fool I was! (Notice how quickly the excitement went to fear) It comes very quickly. The ego works like a sneaky ninja. Attacking your gratitude and excitement quietly and quickly in the dark with a deadly blade.
Well, instead of giving up, instead of curling in my bed and crying all day or calling a girlfriend to whine, I lit some incense and a candle and began to speak aloud. I didn’t do one of those repetitive prayers or mantras. No! I just called out aloud to MY Higher Power and spoke. Tears coming down my face. I spoke and:
“Asked why do I feel this way? Should I feel like a fool? What the hell am I going to do? I walked through the door like I was told. NOW WHAT?! What am I going to do? I don’t want to fail. I want to succeed. Help me to succeed. Allow me to be the person you see that I am. Guide me to be the influence I seek. Guide me to be the person you say I am.”
I gave my Higher Power my all: my tears, my worried, my concerns, my doubt, my fear, everything. I cried and spoke as if someone was there holding me and listening to me. You know what? I felt someone there holding me and listening to me. It was beautiful. I know my Higher Power was there. That was the key I had been missing all these years. FAITH that no matter how bleak all I had to do was call out to my HIGHER POWER and the answer will come. The Universe will move once again and be aligned to what I seek. How do I know this? Because during my wailing and crying and talking aloud to my Higher Power, I felt a warm glow inside and around me. My house looked a light brighter than before. (Mind you I was physically not spiritually alone in my house. I am quite sure if someone would have walked in on me quietly, they would have thought I was mentally disturbed.) I felt the presence of my Higher Power. After 5 minutes, it seemed longer but I checked the time. My mood went from fear to comfort. All I heard around me was all will be well. I ate and went along with my plans for the day. Later on that week, I started getting inspiration regarding my businesses and how to start putting forth the effort to get the clients I need. I started getting phone calls and emails from individuals that were interested in taking classes with me. I started getting jobs as well to bring in immediate cash into my home. WHY? Because I surrender. I gave up trying to control every little aspect in my life and gave it up to the One that is capable of fixing everything. I read that week a phrase that really changed my outlook every more than before.
“Every encounter is a HOLY ENCOUNTER.” Gabrielle Bernstein from Spirit Junkie.
With that thought, how can I be consumed with fear. My Higher Power got my back and has proven it time after time after time. I am crazy to think that, ok. I got the next one. LOL! So follow my example. When you feel overwhelm, fearful, doubtful of yourself, your situation, SURRENDER. Surrender it all to your Higher Power and have faith. It will work out. The key is to call out to your HP; lay all your burdens onto your HP; have faith and believe that someone is listening and don’t take it back.
Want help speaking to your HP? Let me help you. You can use me as your guide. It won’t be my journey so I cant tell you exactly what to do or what exactly to expect. But Do expect miracles.
In Love and Light,